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Staying Friends After Breaking Up

I know there are a lot of differing opinions on the issue of staying friends with someone after a relationship is over. In the past, I pretty much have had absolutely no contact with someone after ending things, which has worked out well for me so far. From time to time, I have wondered what has been going on in their life, but never enough to try to hunt down an old flame.

After my last relationship ended, I was given the whole, “let’s just stay friends” speech, and for a while I was ok with the idea, especially as I was moving back home and he was going to stay a few hundred miles away. For the first few months post-breakup and move back home, I would get the occasional text message or funny joke sent my way, and would read and laugh, and maybe send back a response, but nothing more.

The last couple of weeks have been completely different, and instead of hearing something once every couple of weeks, he’s trying to make contact and start a conversation on an almost daily basis… and even offering to watch Jasper on days when I have to work, now that he too has moved back to the area.

I know we will never go back to being a couple, and at this point, I’m starting to think that staying friends, or trying to stay friends was a bad idea. I feel like I’m being sucked back into the wrong direction from where I need to go, but don’t know how to say nicely to just lay off the contact. A few times, I’ve started to call and just lay it out there how I’m feeling, but I can never get the nerve up to just speak my mind about it.

One of the hardest parts is that we were together for so long that instead of having our own separate groups of friends, for the most part we had a collective pool (including one of his best friends marrying into my family), so it makes it hard for me to vent my frustration about the whole situation to those who I am closest. I do still have my select few girl friends who will always be on my side no matter what, which has kept me sane over the past several months.

There are tons of articles out there about trying to stay friends, and just as many giving reasons why it’s a bad idea. I’ve read through some of them, and taken a few informal surveys of the people I work with. So far, the overwhelming response is to just cut all ties and be able to finally move on once and for all. While it would be nice to stay on good terms, I think anything more than the occasional text message is just too much for me.

My challenge this week is to get the courage up to make the hard phone call and at least set up some boundaries as to what is acceptable and what is not.

Responses (2)

  1. […] If it was a mutual decision to split (and try to remain friends, even though that isn’t always a good idea), it might be ok to keep these items. It probably isn’t a good idea to keep all of the […]

  2. […] mentioned in the past about an ex that I’ve been struggling with trying to be friends vs. have no contact with, and since the breakup was about a year ago, I thought enough time may have passed and we […]

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