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Games We Play

In life, there are lots of different games played, and often multiple going on at once.

When at work, I often notice that I do certain things or act a specific way around different people, and this activity is really just part of the game I play there. Around my bosses, I always try to make sure that they see me being productive, or will often seek out extra things to work on, probably because I want them to view me as someone they can trust and look at when promotions or raises are available. Around my peers, I will try to joke around and talk about whatever they are interested in, partly to pass the time, but also to build a work friendship since they are the people I’m around the most.

While I think there is nothing wrong with either of these activities, I sometimes wonder what is the point of acting these ways? I see some people who come in, log their hours, do the minimum work required of them, and make no attempts to form any deeper social connections, and wonder why it is that I act or think so differently from them. Is it because of how I was raised- the experiences/lack of experience I have in the world, or is it just that they view the world in a completely different manner than me?

In the small  number of previous jobs I’ve held, I never really tried to make connections with my co-workers, and once I left had little to no contact with anyone I knew from those places. With Facebook, and the ability to find just about anybody, I now will hear from former co-workers or friends from the distant past, but I still feel like those relationships and communication are still mostly superficial. In my new way of viewing relationships with my peers, I feel like some of my co-workers would still be close friends even if neither of us were no longer there.

Outside of work, I see that there are multiple games I play with those people who I am closest to, mainly my family and best friends. At times I have bitten my tongue, because I knew what I really wanted to say would be taken the wrong way and cause hurt feelings with certain people. Most of the time, I will go along with whatever the other people want and am happiest when those around me are happy.

I will admit to letting those bottled up opinions get to me sometimes, and will either vent that frustration to someone I’m close to- who isn’t the person I’m upset about, or have a pity party by myself and just put a smile back on my face the next time I see or talk to anyone. Not talking directly to those people when I’m upset is something that I know is wrong and a little immature, but at this point, I’ve been hiding some opinions for so long that it would be weirder for me to start sharing them. There are a couple of people (mainly my older sister and mom), who I know I can share any secret with, no matter how silly or horrible and my confidences will never be betrayed, but even then I will sometimes feel bad about sharing what is burdening me with them.

In relationships, I have let my own desires and goals be surpassed by the person I was dating, and not speaking up in those situations is one of my biggest regrets. I have never really felt comfortable sharing my most private thoughts, either from fear of being ridiculed, or from not feeling a close enough bond with past boyfriends- even the ones I thought I could see myself with in the long-term.

I know other people play games with those they care about, and even with work acquaintances, so I don’t feel like I am completely alone in this area. I wonder if my own games are more severe than other because of trust issues, or if most other people have problems sharing their most private opinions in a manner similar to mine.

When I originally started writing about games, I had intended to go in a much lighter direction, but somewhere along the way felt like the games in life were more important than bowling, golf, or any number of board/strategy games I had in mind. 🙂

While I’m still sharing this blog with only a few people for now, I hope today’s entry hasn’t offended anyone, or made them question whether they are someone I’ve been frustrated with, and would love to hear what other games you’ve witnessed or play yourself.

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