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The Art of Flirtation: An Awkward Female’s Perspective

Today’s entry is about flirtation from a female perspective. Fellow blogger Jamey is posting a similar entry over on his blog, but from the male point of view.

For some people, the art of flirtation is as easy as breathing, but for others, myself included, it can be a bit of a struggle, as there’s a line between being too subtle and too suggestive– and I don’t want to come off as slutty or easy.  The cues are hard to tell at times, especially in a world where people aren’t really always physically together, but rather trying to send signals through text or emails. I know that I’ve let my fears of coming across as too bold hold me back from really doing or saying what I wanted- partly because I am a little timid, but also because I didn’t want to face rejection and ruin a friendship or face an awkward situation if my advances weren’t well received.

Flirting is fun, and in most cases an essential part in developing romantic relationships. It can be exciting, nerve-wrecking, amazing, and confusing.

Keeping in mind the fact that I know I’m not always good at flirting I have developed a list of different things I try to do to show my interest.

1. Maintain eye contact. While in conversation, it’s very important to keep your focus directed at him when he is talking, and to continue to stare into his eyes while you are speaking. Allowing your gaze to stray when he is sharing with you makes him think you are not interested in what the has to say. Looking at him when you are speaking lets him know you only have eyes for him.

2. Make physical contact when talking. This is a classic move in flirting- placing your hand on the other person’s arm while taking a step closer. Any kind of casual physical touch is a clear cue to let him know you are interested in him. This move is one that is harder for me to execute. I always fear that I am coming off as too awkward, and last time I made the attempt was during a time when laughing at a joke, I brushed my hand against his chest as a way of silently saying “oh, you :)” and it didn’t turn out quite as I expected. The man in question is similar to me as he is not a very aggressive flirt, so I think he was very shocked at my attempt to make such a seemingly bold gesture.

3. Witty banter and the art of the double entendre. Sometimes just being able to think of a quick retort goes a long way in establishing where an interaction is headed.  It doesn’t always have to be suggestive, and classic romantic movies from the 1950s show us that flirting is like a well executed dance. Knowing how to respond to your partner with a smart back and forth banter can be exciting and shows him just how fun and smart you are. If you are good at words, what else might you be good at…

4. Emoticons. A wink or a smiley can go a long way in a text or e-mail- it can turn a simple statement into something more suggestive, and adds an aspect of playfulness into a medium where sarcasm and emotions are often hard to read. Sometimes it can be easy to overuse the emoticon, so punctuate with care!

5. Be able to laugh easily. Most men like to think they are hilarious, so knowing when the appropriate time to chuckle at their humor- however lame the joke may be- is a plus. Depending on how compatible you might really be, you may not even have to worry about trying to fake the laugh. Getting to the point where you can comfortably joke and laugh together means you must be doing something right.

6. Getting an opinion or feedback, asking for help. (i.e. the damsel in distress move) Showing that you value what he has to say, and taking the steps to actually ask for his advice is one of techniques I use most frequently. Some people might say that this isn’t really a flirtation, but I consider it one, as asking for help or opinions is something I don’t often do. I try to be self-sufficient, so when I ask for help it isn’t always because I can’t do it by myself, but that I would rather have his assistance with whatever it is. There’s a little bit of a grey area on this one, as I have used this with men who are clearly just friends, or even co-workers, but letting them be the hero to a girl with a cute smile can be really beneficial.

What are some ways you use to flirt? 😉

Responses (13)

  1. This is a great list! Thanks for adding your female perspective to the art of flirting. I really like #6–I hadn’t thought of that before, but it does work really well, especially in person. Anything to make a guy feel manly in person is a special type of flirting.

  2. Brad says:

    I once (ok, several times) attempted to impress a woman by getting to Bald Bull with my eyes closed. It did not work. My fault, or hers?

    • Katy says:

      I’m going to need some more details.
      1- Were you doing the power pose?
      2- Were you holding that awful snake?
      If 1 is true- her fault, if 2 is true- your fault.
      I will give you points for originality as I’ve never seen Mike Tyson’s Punch Out used to impress a lady.

  3. chellykay says:

    I agree with 2,3,4 and 5.
    In person, I’m all about the casual touching. And I find myself with my head slightly down, but looking up at my man from underneath my eyelashes. (It’s hard to explain, maybe you can visualize it)
    I think some people under-estimate the importance of emoticons. A winky-face goes a long way! If I say “hey there ;)” and you reply with “hey” it might as well say “fuck you.”

  4. danwmyers says:

    Navigated here from Jamey. You really are great with words. And cute shoes by the way! Yes, I read all your posts. It was like the virtual equivalent of maintaining eye contact while someone was sharing 😉

    • Katy says:

      Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read through my posts, Dan! It really means a lot to have someone take the time to do that. 🙂

  5. […] Tire change- FAIL. The stupid lug nuts wouldn’t budge. I finally caved and reverted to the damsel in distress move when even trying to stand and then jump up and down on the tool to make the things turn […]

  6. […] months ago, my friend and fellow blogger Jamey helped me out with the male perspective on “The Art of Flirtation,”  in my first attempt at a Mars vs. Venus entry. If you haven’t read either of these […]

  7. […] entry was posted, and if you haven’t read them, you can check out the previous ones here and here.  If you are unfamiliar with this type of entry, I will share my female perspective on this topic, […]

  8. […] entry was posted, and if you haven’t read them, you can check out the previous ones here and here. If you are unfamiliar with this type of entry, I will share my female perspective on this topic, […]

  9. […] blogger Jamey will provide his male perspective over on his blog. In the past, we’ve covered flirtation, workplace romances, and long-distance relationships, and if you haven’t read any of those […]

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