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When it Feels Like You’ve Been Left Behind

Over the last couple of years, the friendship I’ve had with my closest friend has changed quite a bit.

At times, I feel like I’ve been left behind or replaced in our friendship, and honestly don’t know if she still considers me as her best friend anymore. Even though we don’t talk everyday (or even every week) like we used to, I still consider her mine.

This feeling of being left behind doesn’t just happen with her, but whenever I see another person I’ve known for years getting engaged, married, or announcing a new baby. Partly because of my current single status, I’ll get a little sad and jealous when I see those types of happy announcements.

I know that having a family isn’t really a measure of success, just like being single is not a sign of failure, but still it stings since I always imagined I’d be “settled down” and know where my life was headed by now. My life is anything but perfect, and somedays I feel like everything I do is going to end up in failure, and while I know her life isn’t perfect either, it sure seems like it is.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and relive some of our younger days– like our first float trip, which was mostly a blur, or the trip we took to Florida, where we laid on the beach just talking about anything and everything for an entire day. I’m pretty sure we both learned the importance of sunscreen on that trip, as we spent the plane ride home in agony from our sunburns, but we were in agony together.

The part that hurts a lot is knowing that while I still value our closeness, I sometimes feel like I can’t share what’s going on in my life, because she and I are in such different places right now. I hate feeling like I’m being an inconvenience to someone, so I don’t want to burden her with my problems when I know she is busy still adjusting to the role of mommy and wife.

Also, because of her status as wife and mommy, it sometimes feels like there is a secret and exclusive club that I can’t gain entry into until I’ve become either one or both of those things. Somedays I am so envious that she’s found such a great guy in her husband, and they have an adorable daughter who has become the center of her universe. When I hear about family trips or events they’ve experienced, I wish that I had a connection like theirs with someone.

I keep telling myself that maybe someday it’ll happen for me, but I honestly don’t know if it really will.

Relationships have never been easy for me, and making a lasting connection with someone who truly values me just seems like such an impossible dream sometimes. One thing I’ve learned is that no matter what, I won’t settle, so maybe my standards are a little high and maybe I’ll never find my perfect match. I sure hope that isn’t the case, and that one day I’ll be able to fall in love with someone when I’m least expecting it.

I don’t blame her for this shift in our friendship, because I know people change as they get older. Not every relationship will stay perfect for your entire life, and over time new friends will be added and new memories made with those people, and hopefully that best friend will still be there waiting in the background when you need them the most.

 

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