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If I Could Turn Back Time

A few months ago, I did something that I almost immediately regretted.

I’m not sure if I actually regret the decision that was made, or if I regret the method of delivery and subsequent lack of closure for this particular situation. What I did wasn’t the most awful of actions, but I’m pretty sure it was quite hurtful to the person on the receiving end.

Since doing this awful thing, I haven’t heard from this person, and while I’ve made no attempt at further contact, I wish they would have responded with something— even if it was an “I hate you,” just so I’d have some peace of mind and closure.

I realize that I don’t deserve any kind of communication, as I was the one who decided to make this particular decision, but I really hate having loose ends and wondering “what if?”

In a few weeks, this person and I will be attending the same event, and I’m already expecting the day to be quite awkward.

And, depending on some other factors outside of my control, I may end up spending a good deal of time in very close proximity to this person at the upcoming event.

I can’t wait.

Knowing that we will be coming face to face in just a few short weeks, I’ve started to wonder what the appropriate actions should be on my part.

Should I make the first attempt at contact, or let them make the decision to speak to me? Should I acknowledge that what I did was wrong, or pretend like it never happened?

Since ending things with this person, I’ve often wondered how it would have played out if I hadn’t said anything, and almost wish that I could have a do-over. Maybe my actions were premature, or maybe I was reading more into the situation (and feelings) than was really there, and managed to ruin what may have never been more than a simple friendship?

Since I can’t go back in time, I have to live with my actions, and learn from my mistakes (if this was a mistake).

Have you ever done something and immediately regretted it? How have you turned a bad decision into something positive?

Responses (4)

  1. carlarenee45 says:

    well, I know that with me, if I haven’t gotten the closure I need to go on. I have to try and talk to that person and at least make peace. That doesn’t mean that you are saying you shouldn’t have felt that way at all. Just that you want to have an understanding. If this person can’t even give you enough attention to do that. I’m afraid there is probably no recourse. The thing is, this will still probably stay on your mind for a while. I mean, that is the way I am. I can’t stand it when I feel misunderstood. I hope that you two can have a talk and have some closure.

  2. melanie says:

    Well, of course there are things that I have said or have done and immediately regretted. Especially when my actions have hurt others, even if I felt justified in my actions, I have to make the situation right. In this instance with you, I think you should reach out and make contact. Apologize for the way you handled the situation, talk about how you can make things amicable for the upcoming event. A do-over may not happen, and even forgiveness from the other person may not happen, but at least you will have done your part to try to bring about peace and closure.

  3. THOR says:

    You need to know what it is that you actually want before you reach out. You’re the one that closed the door. That was closure. You “maybe” want a do-over? Or do you “maybe” just fear awkwardness? That’s a rather large distinction to make and it’s a natural question that will pop into his head when you break the silence. If you’re doing this to assuage your own feelings of guilt and misunderstanding … don’t. Those are the repercussions of your decision. If your decision was right, for the right reasons, and those reasons are still reflective of your feelings, then reinitiating contact with him is unnecessary at best, and a confusing tease at worst. If you wanted more feedback on the break, then you should have communicated it in a less impersonal way than sending an email. Don’t do it because you’re afraid to be awkward… this person surely knows that they’ll be seeing you at the event as well. Unless you had been cruel or mean when you last parted ways, there’s no reason that two adults can’t enjoy an event in proximity to one another. Know your own heart before you confuse someone else’s for a second time.

    • Katy says:

      Thor, you are absolutely right in your comment, and you make a lot of valid points.

      I’m not saying that I want a “do-over,” even though I do wonder from time to time how things could have turned out differently. What I was trying to say is that I’m regretful for the delivery of the message ending things via email. Instead of being brave and saying those things in person or even during a phone call, I acted cowardly and sent the email, mainly because writing things out helps me to streamline my thoughts and say everything that is on my mind without backing down. That method may not have been the kindest or most personal way of saying those things, but it was the method I was most comfortable with.I’m a people pleaser by nature, and tend to go along with things just because I want other people to be happy, even if it’s not always something I’m 100% on board with. And I did offer to meet face to face to discuss my feelings in person, which the lack of response to that offer is what left me feeling like there was no real closure there.

      By initiating contact, I was not trying to be cruel or mean. I was merely trying to apologize for how I ended things, and try to make amends with someone who is genuinely a nice person.

      I’m not going to lie and say that part of the reason for my feelings of regret weren’t out of my being a little lonely, but trying to resume a relationship with someone just because they are a good person, or being in a relationship/dating someone just for the sake of being in a relationship, is not a good idea. Before attempting to date anyone, I think it’d be smart to actually figure out what it is that I want first. No one is perfect, but I don’t want to date someone who might not be 100% right for me and wonder if there is someone else better out there for me, because that isn’t fair to anyone.

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