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True Confessions #2: I’m Secretly (or not so secretly) an Old Lady at Heart

A running joke that seems to follow me not only at work, but also among various friends and family is that I’m secretly a 90-year-old woman trapped in the body of a 28-year-old.

The jesting is always done in good fun, so I never get upset when referred to as “granny,” “g-ma,” or any other nicknames along those lines. And I can’t really get hurt feelings, because there is some truth behind their jokes, as I do happen to have several behaviors or habits that are usually stereotypical “old people” things.

I’ve compiled a list of my top old person traits, which I’m sharing today.

1. I’m always cold. I’m so used to always being cold that I almost always have a sweater or sweatshirt of some sort with me. Even during the hottest days of summer. Also, my preferred footwear: fur-lined moccasins. I use the excuse that they are trendy, when in reality, they do an amazing job of keeping my toes nice and toasty.

2. Bingo night is actually fun. If you’ve only ever played during grade school, and never in a formal setting like a local American Legion or KC Hall, you are certainly missing out. An evening of playing this game is an experience, but you can actually win money while getting a free show. Just be super careful not to step on too many toes by winning multiple games over the course of the night, followed by a member of your party winning the jackpot round. That was one of the more frightening trip to the Bingo hall, and I think the last time I’ve played. And, don’t forget your daubers (that’s right, I know the name), because some places can be a rip off to the inexperienced player who has forgotten their at home.

3. I complain about loud cars and motorcycles keeping me up when heard late at night. A few weeks ago, I was called out by my sister for posting something on good old Facebook about such noise, and I’m not sorry for speaking up and posting about how annoying it is to hear the scream of a motorcycle zipping down the road at 2 am, while I am trying to get my beauty sleep.

4. In the past month, I’ve watched Wheel of Fortune more than once… and enjoyed it.  I’m not a hardcore wheel watcher, but if I’m home in time, I’ll definitely let myself get distracted with this iconic tv show while cooking dinner. After seeing some of the people competing on that show, I think I’d do rather well if I ever had a shot at being a contestant  Or I’d crack under the pressure and have my brain go to mush like some of the people I’ve seen playing in  recent weeks. Seriously, Stockholm is in Sweden, not Amsterdam.

5. I keep all of my receipts and balance my checkbook every couple of days. Apparently, keeping track of my finances in a handwritten book in my purse is a strange behavior, because any time I’ve ever mentioned that I do this, or on the occasions when I’ve caught up on my balancing during slow times at work, someone will make the comment of “you know, there’s this amazing thing now called online banking.” Yes, I know all of my transactions are recorded online, and I balance against the website’s records, but there is just something about having a neat little ledger filled with numbers that calms me. And, actually writing down my multiple trips to Target, Starbucks, and assorted craft stores helps to keep me accountable for the amount of trips and money I’ve spent in any one place.

I’m a pretty good sport about age jokes. This is the cake my co-workers got me last year for my birthday.

I could keep going with more examples, such as the fact that I like to do craft projects, my love of old movies, and some of my favorite foods, but I don’t want to embarrass myself too much tonight. 🙂

Next year, when I receive the birthday email or text from my work friends congratulating me for reaching the advanced age of 105, I’m sure I’ll smile, laugh, and enjoy the teasing, because I’ve embraced my inner old person-ness.


Responses (2)

  1. Josh says:

    I recognize that cake!

  2. […] of my embarrassing confessions (my fascination with dressing up my dog, my hypochondria, and my old-person tendencies), sharing what is one of the most embarrassing only seems fitting […]

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