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The Gaggle

A few months ago, I stumbled across a book and media project about relationships in the modern world, called The Gaggle. 

This post really isn’t about geese, but a very different type of gaggle.

At the time, I thought the idea presented by the women who designed the project was pretty clever, so I bookmarked it and told myself to go back at a later time and find out more. I completely forgot about this mental note until a few days ago when I was cleaning up my bookmarks on my computer (apparently I go bookmark happy and had over 200 things marked for later reference) and stumbled back across the link to the project page.

Primarily this book and website are designed for women, but I think there is value for single men with this concept as well.

The basic idea is that single women by nature have certain men in their lives who can help them figure out who they are, who they want to be, and how to find the right man. The women who came up with this concept describe 10 types of men, and rather than copy all of their work or list them all, I’ve provided the link to the list that you should go check out.

After reading through their descriptions and thinking about my own life, I definitely have some men that would fit certain places on their list, but in no way have a specific person to fill each of those roles. And don’t worry, I won’t be naming any names or even alluding to which roles certain people fill on my list, and which roles have vacancies. 🙂

On some of my favorite tv shows right now I’ve noticed the trend where the strong female lead has a lot of male friends around, but none are strictly romantic prospects. On New Girl, Jess has 3 very attractive male roommates, Mindy (on The Mindy Project) is surrounded by hot male doctors, and even going back to the days of Friends, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica all have men in their lives who play different roles similar to the ones the ladies from The Gaggle have listed.

I’m curious about how their methods actually work in real life, and how many other women (or men) I know could apply this model to their own situation.

A key point of using this method is not to disclose what role certain people fill for you, which makes sense, but could also lead to furthering the grey areas in certain relationships or friendships. I definitely plan on reading the whole book before making any decisions or judgements about this method. And if I do try it out and notice any results, I’m sure those results will show up here someday.

Have you come across this idea before and thought about how it could apply to your life? And do you think this method could actually work?

Responses (4)

  1. I just read the list you provided in the link. I must be missing something! I don’t have enough male friends to fill half those roles! But I do have male friends that i go way back with, who i know, if given a chance would date me. Some people think it’s threatening to a romantic relationship to have friends of the opposite sex. I say, if you have those friends, and everyone respects the boundaries of your main relationship, it’s okay. But I must admit, I’m not too fond of a boyfriend having female friends. Double standard, I know!

    • Katy says:

      Oh, I don’t have enough male friends to fill all of those roles either, but I think some of my male friends could fill multiple.

      In my experience with past boyfriends having female friends, I’ve seen it both ways. With one relationship, I think I let jealousy of the other females he was spending time with interfere with our relationship, and ultimately that fear was necessary, but if the proper boundaries and expectations are set by both partners (and their opposite sex friends) I think it’s okay and actually healthy to have those other friendships. And, yes, there is a slight double standard there, but I think that’s a normal female reaction to have a little jealousy towards other females in your man’s life– especially if the other girl is pretty or has some quality you know you aren’t providing for your partner. In one relationship, an ex spent a lot of time with one girl because she liked the same heavy metal music as him and was willing to go to concerts with him all of the time, which is something I didn’t want to subject my sensitive ears to, and looking back, I’m thankful for her role in his life because it allowed me a break, and helped to show both of us that we weren’t a good match for the long haul.

      • Interesting perspective. I’ve never even fathomed a boyfriend spending quality time (concerts) with a female friend. i was in a “dating but not committed” situation where the guy was seeing other women. i was open to do the same, but it still bothered me. I guess I’m possessive! 🙂 Thanks for following. Following back.

  2. P2000Camaro says:

    Basically,relationship lists can be lumped into 2 groups.
    1. Be attractive
    2. Don’t be unattractive
    Those are the basics.lol
    Here are the other main ones..
    3. if you are in a relationship, it should be completely obvious that the other person is in no way interested in anyone else. Even if 99% of their friends are of the opposite sex, they should make you feel so incredibly special that you KNOW you are the only one; no matter how many friends of the opposite sex they have.
    4. You don’t have to like the same movies/music/TV shows that they do. If you get along well enough, that stuff should be a non-issue.
    5. Jealousy should only exist as a “fun” aspect of the relationship. By that, I mean if the relationship is healthy, jealousy should be a form of “pushing buttons” just because you can. However, they should trust you implicitly. For example, I was once in a long distance relationship, and my ex would go out drinking and dancing with her friends. She would call me halfway through the night, and I would ask her if any guys had bought her drinks. She would always say no, my response would be “…why not?? Flirt! Get some free drinks!” Who cares? If you trust each other, why not let some drunken idiot buy you free drinks? lol

    When it comes down to it, these lists are bullshit. Everyone is different, and a stupid list can’t change how you view relationships, or who you want to be in a relationship with. They just fuel the the fire of what a lot of women claim they want in a relationship with; but actually only want in theory, not reality.

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