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The Butterflies

They sneak up on you when you’re least expecting them– that little tickle in your stomach you feel whenever you’re around that certain someone, or even sometimes just when you hear their name in casual conversation.

Your heart skips a beat, or starts to beat even faster, and you wonder if they are feeling the same thing when they look at you, or when they hear your name.

Before they entered your life, you were doing just fine, but now you find it hard to focus on your work during the day. Your mind will wander on its own to wonder what they are doing.

You think about sending them a message, just to say hi and let them know what’s on your mind, but you don’t want to be a bother or seem clingy, so you sit and wait, hoping that they make the first move because you, too are on their mind.

You’ve been burned by relationships before, so you try not to let your feelings show or you tell yourself that you are just friends and nothing more.

But the butterflies tell you otherwise. It could just be a simple infatuation, but what if that tickle in your belly is a sign of something more?

In past “serious” relationships you never remembered feeling this way, and you told yourself that the “butterflies” were something made up by people who romanticize the idea of love– people who are in love with the idea of love, but have never opened up their heart to someone and have dreamed up this notion to explain or justify why they are alone. You believed this lie and accepted it as truth, staying in relationships long past the time they should have ended, simply because you thought the lack of butterflies was normal.

But with this new person, when you’re in the same room (but in the company of others) you hope for them to look up, catch your eye and send a smile your way– to share an intimate moment without even needing to make physical contact with that person, and without the others realizing what has just happened. When this happens, your heart warms and you can’t help but have a smile on your face, too.

That smile, the little infectious grin, lets you know that everything will be okay, and gives you hope that those butterflies aren’t one-sided.

You finally work up the courage to make the first move, to see if there really could be something more, and from the moment you hit “send,” you start to freak out, wish you could be smaller and hide out from the world while you await their reply.

After what seems like an eternity, their names pops up on your screen, and you want to open the message immediately, but fear that the response will be a rejection, so you ask a friend to read it first, or to just be nearby in the event that what you’re about to read is bad news. The response is neither bad, nor good, but rather neutral, because your “first move,” while bold in your mind just appears to be a friendly conversation and not romantic or flirtatious in the least.

You’re a little relieved inside, because sometimes not knowing makes it more exciting, and takes away the pressure to be more at the same time.

Not wanting to make things awkward, you decide to just let things take their natural course, and not try to force feelings or emotions where they don’t belong.

You spend time together, both with others and one-on-one, and sometimes you notice an underlying tension in the air, but never act on it.

That hug goodbye that lingers just a moment too long, or that split second when you are about to part ways and you notice a look of longing in their eyes, and later regret not leaning in and stealing a quick kiss goodbye are moments you look back on later and wonder what might have happened if you had just leaned in. Or the moment when a little friendly poke in the side turned into an all out tickle war, and instead of diving in and going with it, you stiffened your spine and unintentionally ruined the mood. How far would it have gone if you had been able to shut your mind off, relax, and just act in the moment?

Would the butterflies have flown away and turned your friendship sour, or would their flapping wings have created a windstorm and ignited a passion that neither of you ever saw coming?

Those butterflies might break your heart, but they could also lead to something more. Something so exciting it could turn out to be a love story even the most talented and imaginative of writers would never have dreamed about.

Do you listen to the fluttering of your heart and in your belly, or sit back and maybe miss out on something great because you’re too afraid to leap without looking?

Responses (3)

  1. P2000Camaro says:

    You go for it… Why even hesitate? It’s so much easier to think “Well, they wouldn’t be interested in me anyway.. So why even bother..”, rather than pushing all the self-doubt, and self-worth issues aside and just going for it.

    Sure, you could totally get shot down.. ..So what? You’ll still be alive, you’ll still be the exact same person you were 15 seconds ago. However, you’ll just have the satisfaction of knowing you went for it, even though it wasn’t the desired outcome. Your self confidence will actually be higher because you’ll know you have the courage to just go for it.

    Think about this.. Have you ever seen an extremely good looking girl with a not so attractive guy, and you wonder “…how the hell could he possibly get her..?? Unless he’s REALLY funny….or has a lot of money..” Nope. It’s because, in a lot of cases, the girl hardly ever gets asked out because guys look at her and think “Yeah right, she would never go for me.” Then the not so attractive guy who has balls of steel asks her out, so she accepts, mainly because he had the confidence to just do it.

    The only reason to not go for it is fear, and lack of self-worth. You (and by “you”, I mean people in general..) look at the person, and hold them to a higher standard. You put them on a pedestal, and think “what could that person possibly see in someone like me?” When in reality, they may be looking at you and thinking the exact same thing.

    This is a subject I could ramble on and on about..lol. My point is, go for it. What do you really have to lose? Nothing.

  2. Leigh says:

    I agree with P2000Camaro. Too many times in my life I’ve waited and missed out on opportunities. Put yourself out there, it’s better to know than to wait in anxiety. Life is too short.

    At the same time, you gotta wonder about the said “crush”. If he’s really into you as you are into him, he’ll make a move, especially if you’ve initiated something. You might say, “but what if he’s shy?” (I’ve asked myself that), do you really want to be with someone who is too shy to tell you that he likes you? Too shy to express affection? That could lead to problems down the road in the relationship. It’s one thing to be shy at a party, but to be shy in front of the girl of your dreams–it just doesn’t line up. If he hasn’t made it known to you that he’s interested, than he’s probably not the one. The right one will come along, it takes a lot of patience and a head held up high. Never settle.

    I’ve learned that life is not like what Hollywood portrays. But oh what I would give for a “Harry Met Sally” or a “Sleepless in Seattle”. 🙂

  3. Joe Babbitt says:

    My man Mark Twain said it best. “Why not go out on a limb? That’s where the fruit is.”

    Although I have to say Katy, I think it’s a little odd that you chose THIS of all mediums to come out with your feelings about me. 😉

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