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Making the First Move

Pursuing and maintaining a relationship of any type, be it romantic or simply friendship, takes a lot of work.

Something I’ve always struggled with is being bold enough to take the chance and make that first move. Instead, I let my fear of rejection get in the way, and instead am miserable at times because of my lack of courage.

I know that simply asking and being told no is better than not saying anything and being left wondering, and last year I actually went to therapy to try to help myself get over this crippling fear of rejection. Even after therapy, this is still something I struggle with, and will probably always be in the back of my mind no matter how many times I try to ignore that part of my brain.

Over the weekend I was able to spend some quality time hanging out and catching up with a few of my girl friends, and it was amazing. I hadn’t realized just how much I’d missed them until we were all sitting around and just talking about all that has been happening in our lives.

This catching up experience reminded me that it’s been a while since my best friend and I have had a chance to just sit and catch up. Between each of our schedules at work, plus her added responsibilities of taking care of a baby and husband, make it nearly impossible for us to ever spend any time together any more.

And instead of trying to reach out and even keep in contact via text or email, I’ve just let the friendship simmer in the background, waiting for her to finally have time for me.

With the memories of how great it was to catch up with some of the other important women in my life, I decided to reach out and try making the first move the other day, and simply sent a message telling her I’d taken a vote and decided we needed a Katy-Heather hangout night, and soon.

I think she must have also been waiting for the first move to be made in our little stalemate, as the response was that she was in agreement, and now the hard part will just being able to find the time to do something together.

I don’t know why I was worried about my best friend rejecting me, as she’s seen me do and say some pretty embarrassing things over the years, but has never judged me for them or outright rejected any of my ideas in the past.

Our friendship has changed, which is completely natural with us being in very different places in our lives right now, but I’m really glad that the lines of communication have been opened back up between us.

While we haven’t locked down a day or time for in person visiting, knowing that she’s there to send crazy texts back and forth while we watch the amazingness of New Girl together (seriously, that show is fantastic and if you aren’t watching it you are missing out big time) and just being able to talk about other things has been a huge relief for me.

We will never be able to go back and relive the friendship of our younger years, and the days of sitting on the phone for hours on end gossiping about the guys we have crushes on and planning out our summer vacations/boy band concerts to attend are long gone, but we’ll always be able to look back and remember those times while making new memories and having more adult discussions.

I’m so glad that even though our friendship is different, I know she’s still there for me and that I was brave enough to make that first hard move.

One Response

  1. P2000Camaro says:

    …I’m gonna try to condense this one as much as possible, because the funniest/ironic part about reading this blog after writing paragraphs on the last one is that I feel “creepy” commenting on this one now..lol.

    Even people like me who honestly couldn’t care less about what most people think of me (why do you think I dance around like an idiot, while singing along to Backstreet Boys at the host stand? lol), I am still careful not to come across in certain negative ways; such as creepy/stalkerish/etc. So before I continue, I am compelled to say I haven’t read your blog in a while, and am reading them in the order they are in… Is explaining it more “creepy” than just not saying anything and assuming you already knew all of that?

    (BTW From here on out, when I say “we”, I am referring to everyone..lol)

    ^ Exactly.. I was literally typing what my brain was asking myself for a reason. It’s not just the fear of rejection that scares us.. Having someone say “no” to a date doesn’t mean a damn thing.. I could be told no all day long and not care at all. It’s the perception of how we may come across, and how other people see us, that is scary.

    I honestly couldn’t care less how any other person perceives me, especially if they don’t like me for a stupid reason.. Having said that, it irks me that me simply asking a girl out could make me seem creepy.. Which brings me back to a point I made a while ago on a comment.. 1. Be attractive.. 2. Don’t be unattractive..lol

    We want to be attractive to the people we are attracted to.. When we aren’t, and we are seemingly only attractive to people who we deem “below” us (yes, we are ALL SHALLOW!), we wonder what the hell is wrong with us, and what the hell is wrong with them for thinking they are on a level that would make them attractive to us. THEN we wonder if we actually ARE on the same “level” as them.. etc. etc. etc. etc.

    This also applies to keeping in touch with friends.. We kind of stop communicating with them and wonder if they will make an effort to keep in contact with us.. If they don’t, we tell ourselves that we weren’t really worthy of their friendship anyway.. When in reality, they are doing the same thing.. But in YOUR mind, they are out living their lives while not even thinking about you.

    I’m hoping this is all relatively true.. Otherwise I’m a little more screwed up than I thought I was…lmao.

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